I doubt The Dude and his caucasian have ever made it to Sri Lanka, but if they did, his rash would almost certainly be worse than mine.

Let me start this blog by apologizing. I’m sorry for the rant that’s about to follow. I really hate complaining because really I have nothing to complain about with my life in Sri Lanka. And, when you come from a place as cold as Regina in the winter, complaining about something like the heat is borderline treasonous.

Having said that, I still say screw it…Sri Lanka is burning and I’m wearing dress pants for most of the day.

In the year-plus that we’ve been here, this has been the hottest couple weeks I can remember. Temperatures with the humidity are well into the 40s and when you add the traffic, pavement and pollution,  it has to be pushing 50 some days. Thankfully, the monsoon rains (hopefully not the floods) are expected soon, so things will cool off a bit.

But in the meantime, my mind (and body) are starting to slip. Concentrating on anything is next to impossible and motivation to go anywhere is at an all-time low. Sleeping is fitful and sweaty and getting to work and back is a huge accomplishment. Going to the gym at night is done only for the chance to loiter around in air conditioning for a bit.

Here are a few other things that point to my complete overheating:

  • I gave the finger to the daily crowd gathered in the kitchen of the neighbouring technical college today. You see our outside door and balcony are in the direct line of sight with the sink of the college’s kitchen. So, every morning when I step outside to leave for work, whomever is washing their dish at the sink is instantly mesmerized by the foreigner leaving their house and is immediately engaged in a full out staring session (often involving everyone else in the kitchen). Normally I can easily ignore this open-mouthed gawking, but today, with sweat already pooling in my belly button, I flashed the middle-fingered salute and my best frown, which was happily met with a wave and laughter from the crowd. See you tomorrow, gang!
  • I’ve got a rash, man. Yep, a good old fashioned sweat rash (formally known as miliaria) on my gut thanks to sitting in sweat-soaked clothes for most of the day. Thankfully, I’ve got some creams and such that should help clear it up. And remembering this exchange from The Big Lebowski makes the rash more bearable too…

Tony the Chauffeur: So he says “My wife’s a pain in the ass. She’s always busting my friggin’ agates. My daughter’s married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can’t even sit down. But you know me. I can’t complain.”

The Dude: Fuckin’ A, man. I got a rash, man.

  • I’m rationing my movements at home and at work. Before I move anywhere, I triple check if I really have to go, and if I do, I make sure that I’m not currently sweating and I have a dry towel in my pocket.
  • My mind is working even slower than normal. I’m talking slower, walking slower and writing this blog slower (I’ve been writing this blog for 48 hours, which feels like 25 seconds in this heat).
  • Five showers a day – one in the morning, one after work, one after the gym, one after getting home from the gym and one before going to bed.

Never has the name of this blog been more fitting. We must have been tapped into the Mayan Gods or something when we named it. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I would still take this over -30 any day – a lot of these problems can be solved by taking off your pants…although then the mosquitoes start biting (too much information?…sorry again).

Yours in hydration,

Shaun

 

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