After pondering many deep questions which have triggered much debate amongst our tens of readers, I have switched my focus to more superficial matters. Lately, I’ve been a little short on sleep as this week the secondary production of “Fiddler on the Roof” debuts and I’m the assistant director (no, I’m not kidding). As I’ve been working longer hours, my patience has become shorter for little annoyances which has made me start to dream about how I could improve my quality of life.
If I were a dictator . . .
. . . I would institute fines for creepy stares. This would be on a scale equivalent with the level of creepiness. I know Shaun has talked about his pet peeve of budders and starers. As a woman on the bus I have to contend with creepy stares from men and it’s very annoying. Any sneaky cheap feels would be an automatic expulsion from public transit use.
. . . Clean floors and feet would be obligatory. Every household would be provided with one maid / pedicurist to ensure this would happen. It would be a nice change from the filthy feet I end up with after walking on my household floors for a couple hours (see photo).
. . . Every dance club would have to play Madonna “Like a Prayer” once a night.
. . . . Tourists with black socks and sandals wouldn’t be allowed into my country. Come on guys, you’re giving all foreigners a bad name. This law may include a clause for fanny packs, I haven’t decided yet. Although they look ridiculous, they can be practical.
. . . . Pedestrians would actually be able to cross at crosswalks without fearing for their lives. At the very least I wouldn’t institute fines for jaywalking until I had cars stopping at crosswalks.
. . . . I would make gin and tonic with a twist of lime (my hot weather favourite replacing my Canadian favourite of Crown and Coke) the national drink. One ice cold mixed drink would be prepared by the government supplied maid upon arrival home from work. Of course, religious beliefs would be respected and a non-alcoholic alternative could be requested.
. . . . Clothing that fits would be easy to find, cheap and fashionable. The government would have their own fashion line that would take these factors into consideration so that no woman would ever have to feel fat or ugly.
. . . . Things would last longer. It is discouraging it’s so hot and humid here that things appear to be decomposing before our very eyes. Take for instance a face cloth that we brought with us. We’ve had it for nearly 8 years in Canada and it was in perfect shape when we brought it. Now after 9 months overseas, it is practically in shreds. I don’t even want to describe what has happened to Shaun’s underwear.
. . . There would be mandated Siesta time. I LOVE naps and often wonder why these stopped after kindergarten.
. . . Hoodies would be called “bunnyhugs” just because the world needs a touch of Saskatchewan. When wearing a bunnyhug, people must complain about the weather, speculate on the upcoming Rider season and laugh at the same jokes over and over again so that I can feel more at home.
It might seem unrealistic and expensive to implement all of these innovative strategies, but I’m sure if I just skimped on the little things like infrastructure, health care and education we could make it would.