I had a thought today to keep track of my Saturday in Colombo. Chances are it won’t be much different than a Saturday in Regina. Here goes…

4:30 a.m. – Monsoon rains begin for the first time in weeks. I wake up, close the windows, take a pee and climb back under the mosquito net.

7:47 a.m. – Wake up again. Still raining and it’s cool in the house. Nice. Wrestle my way out of the mosquito net and turn on the Adam Carolla podcast while I make an iced coffee.

8:03 a.m. – Check emails and read my regular websites in this order – Facebook, LeaderPost, TSN, Globe and Mail, CBC, Twitter, Sri Lankan news websites

8:30 a.m. – Start making breakfast. Bread is moldy, briefly think about eating it and then throw it out. Put two eggs in the hopper frying pan and toss in some leftover chop suey. Breakfast of champions.

9:00 a.m. – Clean up the dishes before the ants can settle in and start transcribing an interview for my friend Martha’s book on north central Regina. I transcribe a few stories from a guy who has spent most of his life in prison all over the country. He speaks of spending 10 years in prison like I talk about going to Safeway.

9:40 a.m. – Start sweating. Time to turn on the fan and lay down.

11:00 a.m. – Start thinking about going to the gym, but keep listening to my regular podcasts – Prime Time Sports, WTF and The Joe Rogan Experience.

Noon – Now sweating even with the fan. Time to pack my bag.

12:15 p.m. – While packing my bag, notice the layer of dirt on the floor and think I should sweep the floor for the first time since Trina left. Sweep the living room, start sweating and call her quits.

12:30 p.m. – Leave the house and walk to the bus stop dodging crow shit all the way.

12:55 p.m. – Get to the gym. At some point a Steve Windwood song comes on while WWE is on TV and a gecko walks across the wall. I give my a head a shake and wonder where I am and if this exact series of events has ever happened on Earth before. I bet on no.

3:00 – Refreshed and ready to leave the gym, the rains begin again. Check my phone and I’ve been invited for a beer with a Sri Lankan friend I’ve made.

3:40 – After a wet walk and a 10 cent bus ride, I arrive at the restaurant and find my new friend Sam and his friend Robert, who is Swedish-Sri Lankan and lives in Toronto. We talk about sweating, work and girls. It’s the first guy talk I’ve had in months. A tear rolls down my cheek (sike).

4:45 – On my way home I see a tiny barber shop and stop in for a much needed cut. Both of the young guys there speak little to no English, and my Sinhala fails me as usual. I make some gestures and one of the guys smiles and starts flashing his scissors. After 10 minutes he’s finished and I hand him a dollar for his troubles. The end result is a bowl cut and a phone number of some young Tamil guy who wants to be my best friend and/or live with me.

5:30 – Start writing this blog and getting ready for supper tonight at a VSO employee’s home followed by a wedding reception at my gym. Wonder if I’ll make it until the Rider game starts at 1:30 a.m.? Oh shit. Do I need to get some gifts for these events? Wish Trina was here.

7:30 – Leave for supper. No gifts. Plan to get by on my new haircut and charm.

8:00 – Arrive with friends for supper. Make an offering of Canadian pins and a zipper pull from the dollar store. Drink a gin and tonic, talk about the state of Sri Lankan politics and eat some grub. One guest tells me he’s planning on going home in November to find a wife – he’s giving himself 6 to 8 months, which he figures should get him a middle of the road woman. i tell him to set his sights higher.

11:00 – I depart for the wedding. Arrive a few moments later and can’t find the one person I know for about 10 minutes. Help my self to the open bar in the meantime. Not even sure what the groom looks like and I’ve never even met the bride.

11:10 – Find Sam and meet most of his other friends. Congratulate who i assume is the groom and he makes a joke about not being the groom. I think I’ve made a crucial mistake, but then he laughs and he turns out to be the groom.

12:00 – Someone tells me not to tell anyone else that I work at Angoda Mental Hospital. I tell them that defeats the purpose of my work there. They nod and walk away.

1:00 – I sneak away to watch the Rider game. I’m exhausted.

1:30 – Turn on game and watch the Riders have 5 two and out series’ in a row. Barf in my mouth and fall asleep.

Good night.