Ladyboys and gender confusion

Jessica was one of the Thai “kathoeys” that our volunteer friends ended up partying with in Thailand.

Ladyboys, what’s the deal? This is a question that I’ve been wondering ever since our trip to Thailand, and the query resurfaced when we recently had dinner with two other volunteers who were in Thailand over the April break. I’m aware there are people that transcend the traditional definition of gender everywhere in the world, but I’ve never encountered so many nor seen them so glorified as they are in Thailand.

I am not up on my terms for the transgendered so you’ll have to bear with me as I try to make sense of things. I do know that cross dressing does not necessarily mean a person is homosexual. I have also learned that marriage in Thailand between ladyboys (men who dress like women) and tom-dees (women who dress like men) is legal while gay marriage is illegal.  After all, it is still marriage between a man and a woman (although it took me a while to get my head wrapped around it).

We spent Songkran in Thailand surrounded by ladyboys who were extremely popular with the crowds. In fact, people were dressed in all sorts of flamboyant outfits for the occasion. Most of which showed a lot more skin than would be typically Thai. There were guys dressed in bad drag, beautiful ladies dressed to the nines (who I later figured out were men), women dressed in mini skirts and halter tops and women dressed like men. It got to the point where I really couldn’t tell who was which gender, and in the end I wondered “Does it matter?”

Gender is something that we have grown up with in the West as being clearly defined. Check the appropriate box – male or female. It’s one of the few things we’ve believed to be black and white. I hate to shatter this world . . . but there’s a big grey around here too. In fact, humans can be categorized into a third gender.

“To different cultures or individuals, a third gender or sex may represent an intermediate state between men and women, a state of being both (such as “the spirit of a man in the body of a woman”), the state of being neither (neuter), the ability to cross or swap genders, another category altogether independent of men and women. This last definition is favored by those who argue for a strict interpretation of the “third gender” concept. In any case, all of these characterizations are defining gender and not the sex that biology gives to living beings.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender)

I also learned that some scientists believe that many animals have more than two gender within their species and some lizards have as many as five. Confused yet?

Back to Thailand . . . what fascinated me the most, was the shear number of men who seem to like dressing as woman in Thailand. Some of which make very beautiful ladies. Why is this the case here? Especially since my experience of Thai culture otherwise has been one that keeps matters of sexual preference and displays of affection private. I tried asking the Thais, but this isn’t something they’ve ever questioned. It would be like asking a Canadian why we say “eh”. It’s just the way things have always been.

My extensive research (Google) didn’t yield any certain results. One hypothesis suggests that the Thai emphasis on beauty  is simply expressed this way be males that are effeminate. Others suggest that there is a huge demand for kathoey shows, so cross-dressing might be based on a financial decision for some. Or maybe it has something to do with being able to be in the spotlight. For certain, the community is welcoming and it’s a viable alternative for those that don’t feel they fit in. All I know is that I don’t have the answers.

In India, eunuchs (hijras as known in India) can also be seen as auspicious (lucky). This is partly due to the fact that one of the incarnations of the Lord Shiva was a hijra. Many of the gods in Hinduism are seen as having both male and female traits; therefore, being more powerful. In contrast, I haven’t seen evidence of beliefs such as this in Sri Lanka.

The more I look into this issue the more fascinating and complicated it becomes. Perhaps sometime in the future there will be a third box to check beside gender.

Trina

P.S. If you find these issues at all fascinating and haven’t already read Jeffrey Eugenides’ novel Middlesex, you must.

A best man in Sri Lanka

Moments after the marriage registry was signed – and Mark and Vindy legally became husband and wife. Surprise!

Ever since arriving in Sri Lanka, one of the things on our to-do list while living here has been to attend a traditional wedding. After a year in the country, it was looking like it was not going to happen (I’ve even played matchmaker between a guy I work with at the hospital and our landlord’s daughter – no dice though). It was looking bleak until my VSO volunteer colleague Mark showed up on our doorstep one night unannounced a few weeks back with some news:

Shaun: “Hey Mark. What are you doing here standing outside our gate in the dark? Are you okay? Are you injured? Have you come to rob us?”

Mark: (With wide grin and big eyes) “No. Everything’s great. I have some news though. You should sit down first.”

Shaun: “Oh, okay. This sounds interesting.”

Mark: “Yeah, well, do you remember Vindy (the lady I met a month ago)? Well, we’re getting married in a few weeks.”

Shaun: “Holy shit you work fast!”

This is the way things work in Sri Lanka. You meet someone, you hit it off, you share some curry with their family and then you marry them as fast as you can.

In a culture known for taking awhile to do most things, marriage is certainly an exception to the rule. And because things had to happen so fast, and Mark had no time to select a more upstanding, moral guy, I became the defacto witness and best man at the engagement ceremony on May 9. (While the actual wedding ceremony/reception will happen this fall, the engagement ceremony is where the marriage becomes legal and the official forms are signed.)

To help me out in my duties as a Sri Lankan best man, Mark emailed me a list of 14 duties to perform on the day. I took duties 8 and 9 the most seriously:

8a. To personally dispose of any alcoholic drinks offered to the Bridegroom, I’ve been reliably informed that Vindya’s two brothers may try to ply with alcohol during the Ceremony. I’m determined to limit myself to just one alcoholic drink, given this is a situation clearly fraught with the serious danger of making a fool of myself.

8b. To intervene appropriately if I’m making a fool of myself

9.  After the Register has been signed to arrange for a white stallion to suddenly appear so that me and Vindya can ride off into the distance. I understand that this might be difficult to arrange at such short notice

While duty 8 (I’m pleased to report) was handled with the utmost professionalism, unfortunately, duty 9 slipped through the cracks as the stallion got stopped at a checkpoint while traveling on the overnight bus from Jaffna. Rumour has it you will see it in your local neighbourhood Perahera very soon.

All in all it was a great experience and day (as you can see from the pictures below). The VSO volunteers and Vindy’s family very much enjoyed each other’s company and will no doubt pick up where they left off at the wedding reception this fall.

Three cheers for Mark and Vindy! And three jeers to my disappearing stallion!

Shaun

Volunteer Hans inspects the ladies’ saris the night before. He approved and may or may not have tried on one of the blouses.

Volunteer Beth shows off her sari shirt complete with pointy Madonna-style cups.

Hans “Vidal Sassoon” teaches Mark how to put gel in his hair moments before the ceremony.

Mark and Vindy pose for photos before the signing ceremony. 35 above plus humidity made for a sweaty time.

Mark meets nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts and brothers for the first time. Quick, someone get him a pen and paper. Where the hell is his best man?

The wedding cake was great. And Mark even managed to keep all his fingers.

The volunteer ladies posing in their new saris. Because the ceremony was on a Wednesday morning (you can’t mess with the auspicious time), Trina had to work, so her three saris still sit in our closet.

After the signing ceremony, rum suddenly appeared, a band showed up, and a dance broke out – all before noon on a Wednesday! Only in Sri Lanka.

Some of Mark’s new nieces belt out a tune with the band.

Volunteer Els is happy for the new couple. Hans is admiring Mark’s perfectly gelled hair.

Vindy’s dad is deep in thought. He asked me if Mark and I were twins.

Moments after the marriage registry was signed and Mark and Vindy legally became husband and wife.

A Colombo Wesak weekend in pictures

A lot of scary masks were on display in the streets this weekend. Somehow Wesak and Halloween seem to be mixed together?

It’s 38 above, not a drop of booze is on sale for four straight days and Colombo is lit up with thousands of lanterns that look like ghosts while people give out (and line up hundreds deep) for free food and sickly sweet soft drinks on every street corner.

A bad joke? A bad acid trip?

Nope. It’s Wesak weekend again – a time when Colombo goes mad and people take to the streets like no other time of the year. In fact, it’s maybe the only time of the year the streets are crowded with foot traffic after the street lights come on…or are supposed to come on?

Last year, we weren’t exactly sure what to do with ourselves, so we got the hell out of dodge. This year we decided to stay and take our chances. It’s Buddha’s birthday (and death and enlightenment too) and Sri Lankans are pumped! (Completely sober, but still pumped just the same.)

Here’s what we did to join in the fun on this holiest of full moon Poya days.

Here’s a close up of the lanterns that are hung everywhere in the city and lights that are draped across many of the streets. Very ghost like.

Walking around at night, most neighbourhoods look like this – Buddhist flags and lanterns-a-plenty.

A close up of some lanterns. Much like the patio lanterns made famous by Kim Mitchell in Canada so many years ago.

Where are you from? Where are you going? What you think of Sri Lanka? Walking among the masses on Wesak you face these questions from young fellas just like this over and over and over again. I found out they stop in their tracks if you say Japan for the first one and quickly blind them with the flash of your camera.

Super moon in Sri Lanka – not looking so super.

A lot of scary masks were on display in the streets. Somehow Wesak and Halloween seem to be mixed together?

This is the temple on Beira Lake in downtown Colombo all lit up.

More temple magic on Beira Lake with Colombo high rises in the distance.

On Sunday we spent the day at the Mt. Lavinia Hotel pool. About a 25-minute tuk tuk ride from our house, this is a view of the beach from the pool. You can see downtown Colombo in the distance.

Another view from the pool. Not too shabby.

This jazz band serenaded us all afternoon by the pool. Pretty good licks.

A night out with Shaggy

"Don't you play with my nose I might Ha chum sneeze
Well you a the bun and me the cheese
And if me the rice well you the peas" - Shaggy Lyrics Boombastic

Ever since the disappointment of not being able to go see Leo Sayer and his hair, Shaun and I have been waiting for the perfect concert opportunity in Colombo. When a few of my colleagues mentioned Shaggy was playing in Colombo, I could hardly believe my ears.

“Mr. Boombastic, sign us up!”

The concert did not disappoint. There were plenty of Sri Lankans dancing in the outdoor venue, fun music, and some really suspicious booze being sold behind a curtain (5 mickeys for $20 – Aiyo!). We even got a ride to the concert from a tuk-tuk driver with hair like Leo Sayer.

I’ll leave you with some memorable Shaggy lyrics and photos.

Trina

Coming soon to a blog near you “Best of Sri Lankan Hair”.

My co-workers pause for a snap.

Shaun moments before he disappeared into the crowd to “be one with the people”- his words, not mine.

“Don’t you play with my nose I might Ha chum sneeze Well you a the bun and me the cheese And if me the rice well you the peas” – Shaggy Lyrics Boombastic

Mr. Boombastic on the big screen moments before the visual equipment quit working. Fast fact: Shaggy’s real name is Orville Richard Burrell

It’s comforting to know that we’re not the only ones always sweating.

“She was there through my incarceration I wanna show the nation, my appreciation” – Angel by Shaggy

“Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Creeping with the girl next door ” It wasn’t me lyrics by Shaggy

A pretend, temporary life

A bike ride through a rice field in Thailand - a nice place to be whether you're pretending or not.

Not a day has gone by in the past year where I haven’t chuckled to myself a little about my life in Sri Lanka. “What the f@#$ am I doing here?” is usually how the laugh begins.

When most people my age are having sandwich grabbers (babies) or advancing in their careers, I’m spending my days riding on Sri Lankan buses, having confusing and many times incoherent conversations with those around me, all the while working in a psychiatric hospital in the middle of a jungle trying to educate media and others about a topic that I’m only just learning about (cue today’s chuckle).

In many ways it feels like, and is, a pretend life.

A life that carries as much or as little responsibility as I want to take. A life where not very much really seems to matter and everything is temporary. A life where the pressure and stress of the every day grind doesn’t feel like my own, but rather belongs to some pretend version of myself that magically formed as soon as I got on the plane a year ago in Regina – and a version that will likely just as magically vanish once I get back on the plane home for good next March.

What I’m not so sure about is that the version of myself waiting back at home is still the same. I know that version of me will have white eyebrows, laugh out loud a little too much and enjoy running around Wascana Lake – not so sure about everything else.

What I’m hoping for (and expecting) is a hybrid. A version of me that sweats less, but enjoys life more and (hopefully) takes virtually nothing for granted. Because the single most important thing that my pretend life here has taught me is that all versions of myself are amazingly lucky.

Lucky to grow up in a place like Canada, lucky to have great family and friends, lucky to have a healthy mind and body…and the luck goes on and on.

The truth is I didn’t come to Sri Lanka ‘to find myself’ or search for some sort of epiphany about the meaning to life. Not only do I think that stuff is b.s., I think a person looking for that would be sorely let down in a situation like I’m in.

I came here simply for something completely different and to break up the monotony of life – two things that all versions of myself will always be on the lookout for.

Keep on pretending.

Shaun

Food is the new crack

Ma Moon could not resist this enticing assortment of grasshoppers, crickets and worms. They were soon to be consumed like chips.

Food is the new crack especially when it comes to life in Thailand. You can’t walk more than 10 steps without stumbling onto some sort of food stall. The Thais are ingenious when it comes to revolutionizing fast food. Before McDonald’s or KFC were dominating the world, Thais had their food on a stick and drinks in a bag to go. Before WWII the Thai traditional greeting used to be “Have you eaten yet?” It’s good to see they have their priorities straight.

Of course, the world has now embraced fast food full on and so has Thailand. 7-11s are literally everywhere and stocks such amazing items as prepackaged pork buns and coconut bread that is green for some reason.

Food stalls get more and more inventive combining items of international influence and giving them a Thai twist. One popular snack is ice cream served in a bun topped with peanuts, condensed milk and some sort of sweet, slimy green worm shaped gelatin.

Bugs are also all the rage. They used to be a source of protein for poor farmers, but now they are fried up by the thousands and consumed like chips. In fact, I recently read an article that says this trend is depleting the population of certain delicious bugs – a cause of concern for the ecosystem. Bug farmers are also popping up to meet this demand. I have tried crickets, grasshoppers, beetles and silk worms, and really don’t get the allure. I suppose they are nothing more than “shellfish of the earth” but the very thought of them still makes me queasy especially when a silk worm pops in my mouth exploding with earthy flavor. However, my host mom never looked so happy as the day she bought three bags of freshly cooked bugs from a vendor and dropped a handful into her mouth.

Thais are renowned for talking about food non-stop. There were many days on the farm when we would be preparing a meal while talking about what we would make for the next meal.

When eating, Thais fall into a pseudo-trance, eyes glaze over and everyone dives in. The food is all shared and the only topic of interest during this time is how good the food is or someone urging you to try another dish. In 2004, Shaun quickly noted this behavior and leaned over to comment to me about it until he noticed that I had fallen deep into the same trance.

It used to be that the food prepared was made in the traditional style in the village. Even though food was talked about nonstop – it took so long to prepare it and the ingredients were all pretty healthy and natural; thus the Thais maintained a slender physique. I couldn’t help by notice that this is changing in 2012 BIG TIME.

In 2000, walking down the street in Thailand, I was by far the biggest person. They didn’t make trousers big enough to get over my ankles let alone fit. However, it is noticeably that obesity is becoming a problem, and most notably a problem with the youth. It is a sad reality when chemicals and sugars lace our foods to addictive proportions. Food addiction is arguably the most prevalent of all addictions in today’s society and the most socially acceptable.

But all seriousness aside, we partook in 10 days of an eating adventure. These photos document some of the delights we consumed. Now the difficulty lies in getting back on track- no more deep fried pork balls on a stick for me (at least not until our next visit).

Trina

*NOTE:
As well as personal observation, many facts in this blog entry are taken from the essays in Very Thai: Everyday Popular Culture written by Philip Cornwel-Smith and published by River Books – Bangkok. *

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Thailand isn’t so scary in 2012

Having our obligatory photo taken with one of the village elders. She only stopped talking when it was time for the photo.

When we first visited Thailand back in 2004, I was scared shitless. It was my first time off the North American continent and I had no idea what to expect.

Thinking back on that 2004 trip now my memories are all good, but at the time there’s no doubt that I was terrified. The traffic seemed crazy, it was amazingly hot and humid, the food was super spicy, I had to use my hand in place of toilet paper and I didn’t understand anyone. In the words of Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski, “I was out of my element.”

Fast forward to our return trip 8 years later and my feelings couldn’t have been more different.

The traffic seemed orderly, the weather pleasant, the food tasty (and even a bit mild), my hand knew exactly what to do (knife edge) and I could care less if I understood anyone.

A year in Sri Lanka (and a week in India) has obviously given me a different perspective on reality and thanks to that I was able to really enjoy and live in the moment in Thailand. Even Trina gave me props during the trip, saying on the third night in, “Wow, you’re a way more easy-going traveler now and the best husband on the planet.” * (* That may not be an exact quote.)

As with all countries, the people make or break the experience, and the Thais are about as good as you’re going to find on this planet. They’re extremely hospitable, they’re relaxed, and best of all, they’re fun. They remind you that happiness is simple when you’re with people that you enjoy.

It was great to be able to truly enjoy the Thais (and Thailand) this time around – although sitting and eating cross-legged on the floor still makes my joints scream.

So, thank you Thailand for an awesome trip. Who knows how good it will be when we make our next visit in 8 years time.

Shaun

This was me in 2004 in Thailand. I may look relaxed and cool, but I'm pretty sure I was worried sick about the boat sinking.